One of the things that I have come to realize about myself is while I try to fight it I can be a very emotional person. When I hear bad news or experience something unpleasant it is not something that I can hide. I find that right away my emotions get the best of me and I will start to cry as I am also trying to stop the tears and bottle up my emotions. This does not always happen (if at all) and usually just makes me cry more.
I have come to find that after I get the bad news, and I try to process it, it is very difficult for me to stop and not over think the situation. The latest example of this was last friday (after my Dad called and told me his news). That night, I spoke with my best friend and tried to get myself together so that I could be strong for my dad. But the next day, everyone could tell that I was upset and when everyone would ask me about it I would explain what was going on and start to cry a little.
In the past few years I have been trying to understand Energy and those that can feel it. Recently, I spoke with people who understand and work with Energy and one of the things that they wanted me to work on was to not be so “big”. One of the things that I have found about myself is that I never can be “down” or quiet without everyone asking me what is wrong. One of the reasons for that is because my persona or energy is so big and vibrant that people instantly notice when I am not feeling “on”.
Also, when I feel like I am not “on” I feel like I should not go out of the house. I have often said that I just don’t feel like being “willow” today and dealing with people. They suggested that one of the things that I should do is go out when I feel like that so that people can experience the other sides of me. That I need to know that it is okay to be with certain people when I am not feeling “on”.
Work is one of those places where I have no choice, no matter what is going on I need to go into work whether I am “on” or off. Depending what is going on with me people just seem to know if I am “on” or not and always try to make me laugh or smile.
Before I would try and bottle up my emotions and not show them as the years have passed I have found that this is hard for me to do. In the past few days I have thought about it and decided that it is okay to show my emotions. While I may not always like it, it usually only happens when something has happened in my life that is very wrong and I just cannot bounce back from the news as quickly as I would like.
The two things that I have found that I need to do is breathe, which may sound odd but for me when I get into a state, my mind just seems to swirl and go right out of control. So for me, taking that breath, is one way for me to try and calm my mind and the thoughts that are racing through it. Another thing that I am working on is taking things in small baby steps. I tend to jump to the big picture, which can be overwhelming. If I just allow myself to focus on one problem at a time I don’t get so crazy and can usually solve the problem.
These are two items that help me in my personal as well as professional life. Right now I am just trying to breath and only focus on one aspect of what is going on with my dad. Instead of driving myself crazy with all of the what ifs. This, of course, is harder said than done, but wish me the best of luck!
willow 