For the last year I have been struggling and learning to live with pancreatitis. Before you think it, no I am not nor have I been an alcoholic. I am just unfortunate enough to not have a gall bladder and because I didn’t change my way of eating I developed this disease.
It has been pain..extremely painful with visits to the ER to being admitted to the hospital twice. Now, thankful because of medicine I don’t have to spend hours in the ER. It has made me change my whole eating and drinking lifestyle and has made some social interactions very difficult. And because of my high deductible insurance it also has affected me finacially.
What makes me write this tonight is because this weekend..I sorta ate like a normal person. What does that mean you ask? That means I ate smoked chicken sliders at a bbq restaurant, that I had breakfast out at a local dinner I like (twice), that I ate a burger and some chex mix..oh and let’s not forget the frozen low fat yogurt I got. Sounds like what you would normally have on a holiday weekend doesn’t it? Except a normal person would have added the French fries, and butter on their toast and let’s not forget the sides you normally get with a burger.
Because of my decisions I could feel an attack starting tonight and took my meds, which are different than the meds I have to take with every meal because with each attack a part of my pancreas dies. Sounds so unpleasant doesn’t it? So I’m sitting here, greatful the meds kicked in so I’m not crying and on my knees in pain. But it doesn’t mean I can’t tell my body is fighting me, I feel like a furnace with the air conditioner on and my torso feels off.
I was asked, can’t you figure out how much fat you can have..what is that magic number? And the answer is no, I can’t. Maybe if I had eaten one less thing I wouldn’t be writing this now, but I wanted to be normal at least somewhat.
But eating normal is no longer an option for me. When I do, I pay a price. So if you are me eating like a bird or agonizing over what to eat, just know everything I put in my mouth is a calculated risk for me.
A risk that can have heavy implications and so far only one silver lining (I have lost a bit of weight and keep loosing).
willow 