Remember..you can’t eat like a normal person

For the last year I have been struggling and learning to live with pancreatitis. Before you think it, no I am not nor have I been an alcoholic. I am just unfortunate enough to not have a gall bladder and because I didn’t change my way of eating I developed this disease.

It has been pain..extremely painful with visits to the ER to being admitted to the hospital twice. Now, thankful because of medicine I don’t have to spend hours in the ER. It has made me change my whole eating and drinking lifestyle and has made some social interactions very difficult. And because of my high deductible insurance it also has affected me finacially.

What makes me write this tonight is because this weekend..I sorta ate like a normal person. What does that mean you ask? That means I ate smoked chicken sliders at a bbq restaurant, that I had breakfast out at a local dinner I like (twice), that I ate a burger and some chex mix..oh and let’s not forget the frozen low fat yogurt I got. Sounds like what you would normally have on a holiday weekend doesn’t it? Except a normal person would have added the French fries, and butter on their toast and let’s not forget the sides you normally get with a burger.

Because of my decisions I could feel an attack starting tonight and took my meds, which are different than the meds I have to take with every meal because with each attack a part of my pancreas dies. Sounds so unpleasant doesn’t it? So I’m sitting here, greatful the meds kicked in so I’m not crying and on my knees in pain. But it doesn’t mean I can’t tell my body is fighting me, I feel like a furnace with the air conditioner on and my torso feels off.

I was asked, can’t you figure out how much fat you can have..what is that magic number? And the answer is no, I can’t. Maybe if I had eaten one less thing I wouldn’t be writing this now, but I wanted to be normal at least somewhat.

But eating normal is no longer an option for me. When I do, I pay a price. So if you are me eating like a bird or agonizing over what to eat, just know everything I put in my mouth is a calculated risk for me.

A risk that can have heavy implications and so far only one silver lining (I have lost a bit of weight and keep loosing).

Thyme for some strawberries!

There comes a time during the summer months where you just crave strawberry shortcake. One of the problems with strawberry shortcake (for me) is that I like it with biscuits, and a nice slathering of butter on the biscuit to make a nice barrier between the strawberry juice and the biscuit. This, of course, as we all know does nothing really to stop your biscuit from becoming a soaking sponge for the strawberry juice but it does give you some time before the whole thing turns into mush.

So (besides the juice issue) the biscuits and butter are things I can’t really eat. So what are my options, angel food cake, that almond pound cake I have in the cupboard or some other craziness that might pop in my head (let’s not go there…). Since I didn’t want to go to the store and buy something (budget minded), I thought about what I had in the house. I had a Tastefully Simple party a while back and still have bunches of boxes of pound cake, scone mix and beer bread. So out comes the pound cake, which is full of butter and I should not eat.

What I have learned on my new eating journey is that sometimes you just want to have a taste of something. So, instead of making the pound cake for me to eat all by myself (and surely cause myself some damage) I would make it and bring it in to my co-workers along with the apple cider donuts that were staring me in the face demanding that I warm them up and pop them in my mouth!

Anyway! So Tastefully Simple has a great almond pound cake recipe that I baked. But I wanted to add something to my strawberries. At this point they were just berries and sugar, which is a great combo, but I wanted something a bit more. So I started to think of different strawberry mixes I have heard of, basil, balsamic reduction? I saw a lot of recipes that said to add lemon. Which got me thinking of all of that lemon thyme I have growing in the garden (I made a wonderful lemon thyme pound cake that I just realized I never blogged about!).

So off to the garden I go and grab some lemon thyme, which I then promptly add to my strawberries. Let me tell you what I lovely addition that was. It was simple, but gave the strawberries a punch of lemon and the freshness of the herb.

That night I had a slice of the pound cake and some strawberries and thyme and was able to get in my fix and make my co-workers and my body happy the next day!

Mold in my raspberries!

Last year, I just did not have time to go to the farmer’s market every week, but I still wanted to get fresh local produce. So I looked into joining a CSA and I really enjoyed it. It was a fun challenge, and it helped me make homemade Christmas gifts like pickled beats. So this year, I decided to join it again, but this time I added on the fruit share. I’m not a huge fruit eater, but I have been enjoying making muffins so I thought why not? Add some more fruit to my diet and make lots of muffins that I can freeze and pull out later for guests or myself!

We got the box of veggies and a box of fruit Thursday night. We received strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, apple cider donuts, plums, nectarines and peaches. My share is for a single person, so you get a nice size of fruit but not enough to make jellies with (which is part of my plan this year.. but shh that is another blog post). So my mind was whirling, what should I do with the raspberries? Peach melba? Raspberry muffins? Raspberry waffles?

I was thinking about it, while I made my first batch of strawberry shortcake. The next day my co-worker (who is in the CSA too) said that her raspberries were already moldy. So the next day I checked my raspberries, and saw that a few had mold so I cleared out the bad ones and went on my way. I still hadn’t found just what I wanted to make yet.

Sunday morning I settled on Super moist raspberry muffins. I made my batter and went to grab my raspberries, which were now a mold fest. I was not very happy as I tossed those away but then I looked down at the blueberries and folded them into the mix.

I have to say, these are great muffins. I should have used the apple sauce trick to lower the fat content, but for this first batch I didn’t. I think this muffin recipe would be great for most fresh fruit, and I know that I will be trying it again next time I get my fruit box from the CSA!

Simple, fresh summer pasta

Since the last time I have posted here, my diet has changed. A LOT. No more alcohol for me, and no more fatty foods. Low fat, all the time or I might pay the price. Such as life when one gets diagnosed with pancreatitis (but that is another blog entry).

It’s summer, the days are warm, the CSA is starting to deliver my weekly veggie box and I have to start thinking of creative ways to use tomatoes! But this present of tomatoes and red onions didn’t come from my CSA box, they came from a cookout. Do you find that when ever you have a cookout people are insistent on bringing sliced raw onions and tomatoes to put on the burgers. But at the end of the BBQ what is left over? Red onions and tomatoes! So when we were packing up I said I would take them.. and there they sat in my fridge waiting for me to do something with them.

Then it came to me. I have basil growing in a container this year, oregano up the gazzo that a friend gave me last year and of course I have garlic stashed away. So I saute the onion and tomato in a little olive oil and then added the garlic in herbs. Once that was warmed up I tossed in my cooked angel hair pasta and there you have it a light pasta dish that is great for those hot summer evenings.

I, of course, didn’t think anything of this dish. I mean I make pasta all the time and I made it from stuff from the fridge and garden. The next night I had a friend over, I took out my pasta and started to heat it up, but this time I added sour cream (have I mention ever that I am part Hungarian? we use sour cream in everything!) and my tomato pasta turned into a “vodka sauce” pasta, but this time I added some more garlic seasoning to it to give it more of a kick.

My friend wanted to try some and she really liked it. Now, again, I really didn’t think much of this because remember everything is from what I had in the fridge and garden. Today, my friend tells me that she has been tweaking the recipe and telling her friends about it.

She told me that this meal costs 4 dollars to make and could easily feed a family of four! I mean I know I like to be budget friendly, cause I need to be, but I didn’t even think that this pasta would be such a hit. If I had known, I would have taken a picture to share with y’all!

Food Review – Julia Child’s Quiche aux Fruits de Mer

aka… fancy way of saying seafood quiche

http://www.food.com/recipe/julia-childs-shrimp-or-lobster-or-crab-quiche-420139

Earlier this week I made this dish, I actually was easily able to double this recipe based on the amounts requested. I used imitation crab meat for this dish. I also doubled the amount of cheese that I put on top.. but who can blame me? A quiche should be cheesy.

The first night this dish was great, but as a person who tend to have a lot of leftovers when I cook, reheating is a big thing for me. Microwaving this, makes it so the pie crust is not as crisp as it was when heated in the oven.

In the next few weeks I hope to be cooking some more dishes. The next is going to be a bread pudding from the Downton Abby cookbook!

Food Review Mashup – Pork Kale Florentine Pasta

In the last few months I have been trying kale, I was purchasing it at the farmer’s market. This past grocery run I picked up two big bags of it (for under three dollars each). I thought that would be a great veggie to use and it really helps stretch your food budget.

So the reason I used pork instead of chicken is because, I had a small pork roast that I had to use. So I exchanged pork for chicken and it came out really well.

I first started out with this recipe for the kale and because I wanted some pasta and I really love chicken florentine so then followed this recipe. The reason it is a mashup is because I used the amount of garlic that the first recipe called for. The reason I did this? There can never be enough garlic. I don’t think I have tasted something yet that is too garlicy. Then I followed the other recipe all most. There are times when I like to follow the rules.. and then I like to find the loopholes.

I didn’t have any white wine (ops! I drank it all) so I used the chicken stock and as I stated before I used pork instead of chicken. Don’t be afraid to change the protein. I think steak, shrimp, pork or chicken would be really good in this dish. Unfortunately, I also didn’t have any pesto on hand. I do try to keep this in my pantry but I tend to use it up fast when it is there.

So this is the final result:

 

While you might think that is a lot of kale, and it is, but for me (a pasta freak) it was good to have a large kale ratio to pasta. It made me feel like I was eating more healthy then I probably was. I also have enough food cooked to last me for a few days, which is also a good bonus for those who are trying to stay within a set budget.

Drink Review – Snowy Days means Mulled Wine

For a while now I have been wanting to try mulled wine. Yesterday, while relaxing I saw that the Barefoot Contessa made a mulled wine with ingredients that I had on hand! So after I ran my errands and the snow was falling down on the Northeast I decided to make this wonderful warm wine drink.

I am not one for dry wine but because of the apple cider and honey this was a lovely drink that was not too sweet and just delicious! The cloves and cinnamon give the drink a lovely warmth and the aroma was wonderful. I am a big fan of cloves and cinnamon and the smell that they create to me is just the smell of home.

So for me this drink was a home run, and a great way to use red wine and apple cider! This is a great drink to make on Thanksgiving or during the winter months. I tend to have a gallon of apple cider in my fridge and I sometimes am given a dry red wine that is needed for this drink.

For me it used items in the house that I had in stock (cinnamon sticks, cloves and I used all spice instead of star anise).

Happy Holidays! And enjoy your cocktails!

What I need..

I am typng this from my phone because my laptop was stollen and my new one is not here yet. Normally, I would wait to post but I need to get things out of my mind. So please forgive me for any typos or grammar issues that may arise.

There is always a debate about what a person needs and what they want. Right now I am going to go through the list of my needs:

I need to scream at the people who are hurting me..I just for a little while not be the bigger person and punch, pound and scream out my pain at them. Instead I remain silent and try and move forward. Try not to react to seeing an ex with someone new already…

I want my exes to have to take time to get over me. It seems like every ex able to move on so easily and forget about me. I want them to suffer like i am suffering.

I  would like it if my phone would stop typing out lime for like when I swear I am hitting the k button.

I wish i didn’t need to feel physical pain in order to allow myself to cry.

I need to be able to sleep through the night.

I need to be hsppy

Am I ready to admit..

So in the last few months there have been a lot of changes going on for me. I tried to purchase a home I loved and lost, started a weight program, moved in with friends, had my work team moved to a different office, purchased a home, changed team members, moved into said home, traveled to Vegas and visited NY, once again became single and been reviewed at work, and helping a friend plan her wedding (not to mention being a bridesmaid). All of this has been happening to me since March. Just writing it down it seems like a lot.

I have been doing all of this while working a 40 – 50 hour work week. In the past few months I have been loosing weight and getting back into my exercise.  This summer I started to play tennis, and found I really liked it. Some things I have handled with grace and others have pushed me over the edge. Two weeks ago the man I was seeing ended our relationship which I was planning on doing myself. I just was going to do it face to face. I was handling that well, only a few sleepless nights here and there. The hardest part is removing that person from your life, reminding yourself that they are not there to share that fact with. That you will not be spending time with them and what you thought had hope, might have really been just something said in the moment or there are lies happening some where.

Last week, was not a very good week. When I have personal problems I will throw myself into work. Not that I am not normally a hard worker. I am very passionate about my job and the projects I am working on. In fact, on most occasions I am sure most of my friends would say I work too much. So last week when I got a review and it was not what I expected it really devastated me. I went from a really great review that happened only six months ago to what I would consider a poor review. This review really just knocked the wind out of me and threw me into a tailspin.

After I spent a day crying and trying to come to terms of what my bosses thought of me and just wondering what the hell am I doing with my life. I went back into work and had some difficult conversations with a few people to straighten out what I felt were misconceptions and failures to communicate. It was rough, but after those conversations I felt better about where I was going and the path that we/I was taking.

I even went away this weekend to remove myself from further drama with before mentioned ex at an event and visited a friend who is like a mom to me. We spent Saturday and Sunday talking and had a blast Saturday night out at a bar listening to a friend of hers sing and I got to hear her sing for the first time. A few pumpkin martinis later and I was having a blast and I slept the night through.

Monday, at work was good and the communication was open and flowing between my co-worker and I. Another one on one with another supervisor explaining some pain points went well and I thought it would help my bosses understand how we work. Go to my weight in and lost two of the four lbs I gained last month and went shopping to get some things for the house. So I thought I was having a good day until I woke up this morning at 3.30 and couldn’t go back to bed for hours.

Today, at work I felt things were going well again. My co-worker and I put forth our plan to take a meeting with little purpose and revamp it to explain any miscommunications that we felt were happening. I was learning some new technology to me and figuring it out. Then another bomb dropped. One of the conversations I had last week to help me understand my review went through the VP grapevine all the way down to my boss, who my second boss told me was going to have a one on one with me about it.  Up went my blood pressure again, which causes me to be flushed and agitated.

I do not like the fact that VPs in my company and then my bosses were talking about me. Because I don’t think that it was done in a glowing manner. One of the things I need to work on is to be less abrasive, but this whole thing is making me feel attacked and put on the defensive. The whole thing is smelling of politics, which I don’t handle well. I like to be upfront and honest even if that is seen as harsh.

So after I clocked my eight hours I headed over to the gym and signed up. Another part of my review was that I needed a healthy outlet for my stress level. I ask you, is that really professional? When part of the reason my stress level is high is because of the work that I do and the time that we are to do it in. I have not wanted to spend the money on the gym but with the weather change and the lack of day light after work I felt I had to.  I need a place I can go to just beat up something or sweat out my frustrations.  It will help my mood, help me loose more weight and hopefully help me with some stress relief, and make me so tired that I will want to sleep.

Yet here I am, at midnight still wide awake. I came home, sweaty, tired and hungry. I fed myself, relaxed on the couch watching tv before the fire and snuggled with the boys. Then I decided I needed to do some things around the house. Swapped out some outlet covers, put up a plant hook and moved a plant from outdoors to in and cleaned up some rooms and I wasn’t tired.

Yesterday talking with the weight clinic one of the topics was maybe I should think about taking some medications. It would help with food cravings and for some people their moods. I use to be on an anti depressant. I needed to be on it, and it took me years to get off of it. When I finally was able to get off of it and not be a crazy person it was one of the best things. I was so happy, and that was over six years ago now. I don’t know if I want to go back on any meds to help me with the dark times I have been having.

For me personally it makes me feel weak. I should be able to handle what life is throwing at me. In the scheme of things dealing with a break up and a bad review should not break me. There are much worse things that could happen and I don’t want to have happen. I should be happy, I am a first time home buyer of a really good house which I have been in since August. I still have not had a house warming party. I have hardly had anyone over and that is just not me.

But am I ready to admit that I need help? I honestly don’t know.

Going outside of my comfort zone…

For the last six months or so I had been in a relationship with a man that pushed many of my boundaries. One of which was being in a poly relationship. I have never wanted to be in a poly relationship, I am a monogamous person. But I enjoyed his company and I was willing to try it.

What I have learned from that experience is that I do not care to be in a poly relationship. I do not think it is fair or right for someone else to manipulate my time with my partner. While this may not always happen when people are in poly relationships, if people cannot set their jealousy aside and respect if not the other person in the party but their partner’s wants then it can never work.

So I am sure in my believe that I do not want to share my partner. I want him to be with me, and me alone. And the only thing that drags his attention and time away from me is work, family and friends.

Now I am back to being single and trying to find the right person for me.